SEVERED HEAD FOUND IN BOLTON
The sleepy fishing village of Bolton was rocked today when news of a grisly discovery shocked the entire queue of the local Co-op.
What appeared to be the disembodied head of the now extinct Pasty-man tribe was dug up in the back garden of coronation day flag seller Mister Tyrone Shoelaces. It was the biggest shock I've had since I last worked in 1953 said Shoelaces (98). "I was trying to dig up a turnip for my tea when my trowel hit something strange" he dribbled. Little did he know that his quest for food would lead to the archeological find of the last 3 millennia: an almost perfect example of the head of the long forgotten species of half man- half pasty folk (see photo below). An acknowledged expert from Accrington university pronounced it as being the nearest thing to the
legendary missing link since chavs were discovered in Chorley and Time Team presenter Tony Robinson said he wished Ben Elton would write another series of Blackadder so he wouldn't have to spend so much time messing around in dirt.
All round know-it-all Professor Heinz Wolff was unavailable for comment but schoolboy Bill Dingsite said it looked like his school lunch which he dropped yesterday in Mr Shoelaces garden
What appeared to be the disembodied head of the now extinct Pasty-man tribe was dug up in the back garden of coronation day flag seller Mister Tyrone Shoelaces. It was the biggest shock I've had since I last worked in 1953 said Shoelaces (98). "I was trying to dig up a turnip for my tea when my trowel hit something strange" he dribbled. Little did he know that his quest for food would lead to the archeological find of the last 3 millennia: an almost perfect example of the head of the long forgotten species of half man- half pasty folk (see photo below). An acknowledged expert from Accrington university pronounced it as being the nearest thing to the
legendary missing link since chavs were discovered in Chorley and Time Team presenter Tony Robinson said he wished Ben Elton would write another series of Blackadder so he wouldn't have to spend so much time messing around in dirt. All round know-it-all Professor Heinz Wolff was unavailable for comment but schoolboy Bill Dingsite said it looked like his school lunch which he dropped yesterday in Mr Shoelaces garden
posted by Bob Williamson at 8:03 am
487 Comments:
Are these pasties on general sale, if so where do i buy one?
What a load of bollocks.I was in the queue at the co- op and i wasnt
shocked.
think lionel commented on wrong thing he mean't he is not shocked that princess pammy is bob in drag. As for the pasties being as god as greggs not possible, but do they come in different filling types? and do you have to order them in advance? will they do a half man cream cake?
I am puzzled by the half pasty & half man tribe.(1)How do they copulate.(2)Are the tribes in Pakistan crust asian.I am now of to cornwall i have heard a half pasty man as been discovered by the police over Ginsters Bakery, in suspicious circumstances,he was found with a knife through is crust lying in a pool of gravy.I have been given a Grant to help me in my research,but he is not much use his brother phil isnt any better either.I shall continue my quest to discover more about the pasty man, even if it takes a lifetime.If i am not back for tea time can you tell my wife where ive gone.
Lionel Ash
p.s. My sauces tell me they are on top of the pasty situation.
Dear Lionel,
i am writing to warn you
the half pasty men want to be kept a secret.I was looking for them myself when i was run over by them in a car,i now have 2 broken arms,2 broken legs and lacerations to the face.I managed to get a look at his face,through the 1 eye i had left,it was a pasty man.I have to go now they are going to operate on me.I get prefferential treatment on the national elf service.
Ta Ta for now
CORNWALLS LUCKY PIXIE
P.S. Excuse my grammar.She wrote it.
Dear Lance boyle,
thank you for youre offer i may be puss uaded for you to do that.As for half woman and half kebab,who would believe such a silly thing.Got to go now to work on my harley.(shes a lovely woman.)
sithee later
LIONEL
P.S.IF YOU DO CALL ROUND,DOORS ONTH LATCH.
P.P.S. ITS ON HINGES ALSO
Think you lost your hinges, lionel are you on medication?
He must be it's probably the sex change drugs, Although i much prefer a cornish pastie, it is a bit far to travel today so am up for trying a greenhalgh and thought i'd end my day in the co-op see if i can get any shocks, where in bolton is this pastie shop and do i have to travel far to the co-op? Is there like to be a que? Also if you all cross dress as women in bad wigs do i have to do the same before i get served? Last question did someone say they cost £1.50?
Well said meatloaf!
Mr.Meatloaf,
are you the real meatloaf or the one you put gravy on.Was it you you recorded pasty out of hell, or 2 out of three aint bad but the other one was out of date.Got to go now on my quest.God told me to go forth & i came second and was sent to the back for pushing in.
LIONEL ASH
P.S. I think i saw you in sainsburys.
P.P.S. and in tescos
Has anybody a st.christopher medal i can borrow.
Why are you traveling to bolton to see for youself? st christopher is st for travel, not protection, and it's just a mouldy pastie not a vampire you nitwit
Gonna be busy in bolton today did you manage to get a wig Rick? if not mail me and i'll lend you one of mine and a dress if you need one, got to look the part,
P.S don't tell the lads on the building site, dresses are me sisters and she doesn't no i am borrowing them, got the wigs from the pub a guy down there cashing in on selling them , wish i'd thought of it
saw me in B&Q? probably rick he's the builder
Can i borrow a wig and dress as well the wife is home can't get anything out of her wardrobe i've mailed you where to meet me i'll pay and won't tell the rest of the lads on the building site, cheers!
Yeah sure meatloaf e-mail me i am a big meatloaf fan, am also fan of Bobs,(is he really princess pammy?If you visit him you know the truth if not check his wardrobe and let me know) what do you want to disuss?(seriously)regard Will
Did you see the commotion in the pastie shop today? Will has started a blog called commotion in the pasty shopb and has video evidence any requests for photos contact, Will, god he is handsome!
I did visit Bob and what a great guy he is, his face was a picture when our meat loaf tour bus turned up outside his house! He said I thought it must be for me lol!!
Whilst at Bobs I never saw any ladies clothes , however there was a nice necklace on his mantlepiece.
I think we have the makings of a BW fan club here, hope to see you all at Greenhalghs , the pies are on me.
it would be great to hear from Bob on here comon Bob where r u
right i have to go im sellotaping pie crusts to the inside of my window and watching asylum seekers bash their heads out on the other side ooooooooooh matron
love your blog will!
I CAN SEE ALL TESTICLES IN MY WAY
Bob your fans await your prescence!
Who thinks peter kay has sold out? his site is now a shop!! buy this buy that garlic bread t shirts , peter kay cups , peter kay kettle etc etc etc . Bobs the original Peter Kay and he still goes to the chippy in his slippers, thanks for being one of the lads Bob!
MR MEATLOAF,
I am a genuine me & my mates followed Bob round some of the smaller folk clubs in his early days.Bob is on here,you only have to look at the groaning jokes from Lance Boyle.Anyway i have arrived in cornwall and spoke to a tin miner who directed me to where a pasty man had been seen,bad news though he was dyslexic and directed me to nasty nan.He did invite me to a dyslexic rave,everybody was on Ds.Anyway on with my search for the pasty men tribe.
LIONEL ASH
Just had a bob williamson tatoo done across my chest, as the fouder member of the Bob Williamson appreciation society i urge all fellow members to have one!
It reminds me of the Alan Partridge fan who had Alans head tatooed on his chest,and took him round to his house that was hilarious, did anyone see that episode. The one where he had coffee out of an arielator lol
LOL LIONEL! So Lance Boyle is Bob!!!!!!
It cant be Bob , Bob tells better jokes
Cheers Meatloaf checked out your blog seems very impressive couldn't leave you a comment as i'm not a member so am leaving it here instead, next time you doin a gig drop us a mail and me and few mates will turn up to support you.
I had Bob Williamson is the greatest folk comedian and singer i have met in my life,he oozes talent and is overhaul a very nice chap tatooed on my willy.
LIONEL ASH
P.S. I had to put it on twice to fill in.
Yes so it seems, so is the fan club going to meet at greenhalgh's? actually if the truth be known i'm a second generation fan, me dad was the real fan and i only got into Bob listening to me dad's stuff after i discovered someone else the reason i read the stuff on here, I am a man on a mission and needed Bobs help, but that's another story(or another blog)
In your dreams lionel, i know the truth i've seen it!
Where do you live Lionel we could talk of length.(sorry talk at length)
Forget it eva lionel is all talk, he'd be hard pushed to tattoo anything longer than one letter on it, but i can give you the number of a man who can
32 slices of toast per day.I had a mate who who wanted a willy that touched the floor,he went to the gypsies and they cut his legs off.
Dear annette do you still sing under the name of badly drawn curtain.
its gone mental on here lol, nothing for weeks than all these Bob Williamson fans appear. its brill! hope to see you at the Hop Pocket chorley fri 12th Oct we dont do many local gigs so get along if you can Willie.
I think the fan club should meet at greenhalghs, buy our pies then all round to Bobs!! for a brew. As it happens im round at Bobs next week, im buying a shed load of his CDS and selling them at my gigs, also at ebay
What should we call the fan club , any ideas. Can i be the treasurer?
BOB WILLIAMSON CLUB.How about that for a name.
brilliant idea@!!
THE BOB WILLIAMSON FAN CLUB!
Going back to Boltons famous Deli Greenhalghs, I went in last week and asked what was the soup of the day , and the girl behind the counter said Cream of Tuesday!!!!
That is my joke and not one Bob has emailed to me!
Is that ok Bob? do you think they will believe me?
Dont you thnk it sounds plural,as if he only has one fan.How about Bob Williamsons fans super duper off the wall club.I would like to be treasurer.Since my five years inside for embezzlement,i have missed being a treasurer.
LIONEL ASH
MEATLOAF do you ever do gigs in wales.If so how do you manage with the sharp intake of water.
Hi Lionel , I dont think treasurer is the best job for you. I think your talents lie elsewhere. I like off the wall club though
BOB WILLIAAMSONS OFF THE WALL FAN CLUB!
Can we leave out super duper, I used to say that when I was 7
Lionel could you be Fan club coordinator?
Never played a whale before, I dont mess with dangerous Animals, look what happened to that crazy Australian guy.
I wasnt surprised though it was bound to end in tears
We are at chicago rock windsor , tommorrow
Fri Chester
sat weston super mare
Are you from wales Lionel
sorry for pluging my gigs Bob!
We will try and make your gig meatloaf, Regards Will
How will i know who you are? Will you have a pastie in your top pocket, or will you have a bob williamson CD in hand
yeah lived here for fifteen years.I come originaly from Bollington nr macclesfield where the accent was more lancashire than cheshire.Bob used to do a few gigs round the area as did mike harding & Bernard Wrigley & jasper carrott.Bob appeared at poynton folk club and was loved by everbody,Its great hes released the cd.I had his records on vinyl,but we left them in a shed when we moved,THE SUN GOT AT THEM AND WE NOW HAVE A SET OF BLACK FRUITBOWLS.(TRUE)
LIONEL ASH
I lost all mine as well, wish I had seen bob more in those days, I was 14 in 76 , my Nan lent me his album and i loved it. Saw him live at colne municipal hall, it was a sell out. Went out and got a guitar after seeing Bob, my first gig was at 15 at my nans local wmc I was on in between bingo, I had an half hour spot and I proceeded to do ALL BOBS routine , i got pulled off after 15 minutes, most acts only got an orange bum bum
We will come to the Chorley gig you won't be able to miss us(As i will be with the stunning blonde)but just in case my mission fails i'll wear my Bob Williamson badge
Nice talking to you meatloaf gotta go,the wifes sister wants to see my tattoo.
LIONEL
P.S. CAN I CO ORDINATE THE MONEY.
P.S do we need tickets or is it pay on the door and what time does it kick off, Be about 8 of us 9 if the blonde mission goes to plan
YOU HAVE A BOB WILLIAMSON BADGE!!! WHERE CAN THESE BE BOUGHT?
BYE LIONEL, YOU CAN CO ORDINATE THE PASTY FUND
THERES LOADS OF STUNNING BLONDES IN CHORLEY, AS SHE GOT LOVELY BLOND HAIR ALL DOWN HER BACK, NONE ON HER HEAD ALL DOWN HER BACK BUM BUM! THATS A BW JOKE.
I AM AT BOBS NEXT WEEK, WE ARE GOING TO GREENHALGHS, DUST FANCY CUMIN
IM OFF TO BED NOW SPEAK SOON
DEAN
its free! must warn you im crap
On a final note, isnt it nice that the talents of Bob Williamson can bring like minded people [nutters] together like this 30 years later.
Rock on to you all, Bob we salute you!
The blonde i'm after is one in a million if you can help my mission i'll give you my Bob williamson badge
In fact i'll make it a competition prize and i'll throw in a bob williamson t-shirt as well for anyone that can help me in my mission
all you have to say is dust want dance!
If she says yes I want all your BW memrobillia. I wonder if we can make this date the official launch of the BW fan club, will bob be there?
Oh that it was that easy! right off to plan my mission or blog it anyway see if anyone can help, i am a hopeless case this girl has a figure to die for the most beautiful eyes and the heart of an angel (sad aren't i) yes lets make it the launch of the fan club
Bob...Can i have your Kripton Factor "k"...
is that something to do with super heros?
So if it wasn't censored then where is the guys comment? seems you censoring to suit yourself your sad
You'll be censoring his mail and his phone calls next(ha ha), i left a comment also mines not here how sad are you. Oh it's Donna (and no it's not Kebab) for those of you with a sense of HUMOUR i am Donna jackson, my censored comment was "the competition is on Will has lauched it on his blog and i claim my prize just for being the first to enter". I'll use Wills blog now Bob you may loose few fans if this is how you operate. You can all bring your pasties round to my place in Horwich
P.S as for being a lesbian why not you look the part
perhaps bob should get his eyes tested?
oh bitchy, i may be a bitch as well but at least i'm a bitch WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR! Think you pinched your attempt at humour of superturn (barge poles) Well i'll pinch as well did he write where do you go to my ugly just for you?(also pinched for superturn)
Who spat their dummy out then grow up woman its all in in fun, donna go do your worst on wills blog will chat on there
Sorry Bob mate think i may have unhinged your friend but the comments WERE censored, hope i can still be a fan, What do you think about taking the winner of Will s comp out for a night? or better still the winner has to take you on a night out of your choice, right off to work hungry kids to feed(not mine) i'm a dinner lady Donna x
Hi there are plenty of us in your fan club that would gladly help with your lack of internet knowledge only too willing just say the word anytime, Oh yeah how about hearing from you bob this is your blog what do you think of the idea as a prize oh i'm Rick Page by the way the names O'shea was bit of fun but that seems to have gone out the window don't forget there are plenty of helpers /fans out there
Have you really got a Kryton Factor K WOW i'm impressed did you have to go on the show for it or was it a show biz gift?
WOW do you think i could buy one off e-bay?
Whats been going on here! Why all this bitching! princess pam if your reading this im sorry someones been giving you abuse. I was really enjoying it here , why do people have to be nasty . Sign of the times i suppose.
I dont know wat the arguments are about, i dont want to know im just pissed off that what was a great forum with plenty of laughs as ended up like a battleground
Here here meatloaf but to be fair the comments were censored i tried to leave one this morning and couldn't and mine not been published either And it wasn't Bitchy in the slightest(just because i said i'd wear dress for the pasty shop ummmmm. Anyway back to real stuff have you seen this Krpyton factor K and do you know where i can get one?
You can't get em on e-bay just looked
Wow looks like it's been fun and games here today dam work i missed it all, anyone up for just bit of a laugh as its supposed to be?
still in cornwall looking for the half pasty half man.Went on Dartmoor(Dont know why it wasnt in cornwall) I was told by a local historian Ed fullofcrap that an half pasty half man had been seen at midnight riding as a ghostly figure.I waited with baited breath(MY FRIEND)for the apperition to appear.It did but unfortunatley it was headless,so i am no further forward than yesterday.Anyway i am going back to my B&B (BIG BED DUE TO MY TATTOO)
SETHEE LATER
LIONEL
does it cause you problems travelling, did you manage to get a photo of the apperition?
Willie i did have flash,but the flash didnt work.I got arrested and I had my raincoat confiscated.
LIONEL
lot us BW fans got arrested yesteday what with the pasty riots how'd you mangage to hide your tattoo with no raincoat?
Any chance you could fetch us a cornish pastie back from your travels, are you planning on staying in cornwall long?
Dear willie i am staying short in cornwall due to the cold weather.But it may get longer if the sun comes out.
LIONEL
if it gets sun burn't can you still read the tattoo? you must be a real fan of bob's to have that done, maybe if i have i love you ****** tattooed on mine she might want to take a look then she'll fall in love with me
Bumped into a Dutchman who does a Bob tribute act.He is called Bob Van dyke Williamson,he sang a cover version of one of Bobs songs called English Meat Pies.
LIONEL
Wow did you book him for the BW fan club first meeting?
Brilliant Lionel we await your return to Bolton with your find and news of your quest for the pasty tribe
Ps don't forget the cornish pasties on your return i'm starving
DAY 4 QUEST FOR PASTY MAN)
Arrived in Looe in Cornwall,had a pee & just as i was leaving i found on the wall written in HBpencil pasty and an address.Iquickly purchased some rubbers xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxL
& went round there.I quickly recognised it was a house of il-repute run by a woman called patsy.I showed her my tattoo and left 5 hrs later.While she was reading my tattoo i read her face which was covered in brail,it told me where i can find the pasty men tribe.I am now heading back to bolton.I hope somebody looked after my wife.
I'll look after your wife
The Dutch Tribute guy sends his regards to Bob & all his fans.He has a clog site in Holland and you can hear clips of Bobs cover versions.HOT BUTTERED TOAST WITH EDAM CHEESE, UNCLE RUDE VAN NISTLEROYS PROTEST SONG,TULIPS FOR TEA.
LIONEL
Bob have you sent my CDs off yet i am waiting with anticipation (Another friend of mine & a very nice girl) I hope you sent them in a brown paper package,so the postman doesnt know what it is.
LIONEL
Any idea what time you will arrive back in bolton lionel? i'll organise a reception party for you
Can anyone see this tattoo?
Does all your post arrive in brown paper packages?
Another of Bob's songs by the Dutch tribute act is; GOOD GREENALLS CANNABIS.
You got any?
Hi Truck, do you rent out those mobile billboards if so can you do me a deal can't believe how much i been quoted, and if you can beat the quotes i got then i'll throw in everything i just promised Lou Pole on the BW comp, (to be honest don't think he is after the prizes think he just enjoys bashing people on the head)
Ps do you have any of the dutch artist cover material? i know a man on the market
4 1/2 days into quest to find pasty tribe.Now in cheddar gorge,i had a tip off fom a blind man that he has seen a half chees & onion pasty & half man here.I called into the toilets for a wee and their was a man at the side of mee admiring my tattoo.I looked at him and he had N.Y.P.D.tattooed on his.He told me his name,GEORGE MICHAEL.I thought strange no surname.Then wham it hit me hes famous.I then made a big mistake,i asked him if their was a rear entrance in the toilet.I ran out on to the streets pushing over Andrew Ridgely who was their selling the Big Issue.I am staying her to carry on my quest.its dangerous but somebody has to do it.
LIONEL
will report back tonight.
How do you travel so far so quickly? does it have anything to do with the size of your organ?
I can break legs
wrong blog mate
You out there Lionel? Have you thought of travelling to the Emereald Isle home of the little folk? they might have some info on the pasty tribe.
PS if you go can you fetch me box of bewleys irish chocolates i'm reliably informed the lady of my dreams might be tempted by a box,
WILLIE, bumped into an indian guy who does a Bob tribute,he is called Bob Gupta Williamson,another one who changes Bobs lyrics to suit his country.He did a bit of his act for me.Hot Buttered Chapatis,madras curry for tea,Taj mahal garden of Love. Hot curry pies are coming to us,on the back of an elepant,whose name it is gus.He even did Bobs jokes,only the woman at the delhi palais had bruises where people had been poking here with 10ft bahji poles.
Will report later on my quest
lionel
p.s. George Michael sends his love.
Can i now but a stop to people, who dont believe the size of lionels tattoo. I can now officially tell you he will be in the new Christmas edition pages 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Its an extended edition due to the ammount of hot butterd toast he ate last year.
Norris
P.S. If Willie Heckerslike would like to appear in the small POCKET EDITION.PLEASE CONTACT ME.
Willie,I have a box,but its the one i used to wear for for cricket,
you can have it with pleasure.If it means you go out with the leggy blonde, can i have the prize.Its bound to impress her. sizexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxLLLL
LIONEL
P.S. I also have a stump & 2 bails if it helps.
lionel if you only knew, how did the expedition go? i'm wasted (so excuse any spelling mistakes but i've got it real bad and a night in the pub with so called mates tellin me i've no chance dont help, need to sort me bonce out before big plan comes into force how can you know you love someome yet never had anything back from them but frienship? anyway enough of my love sick woes hows the quest for the pasty folk going?
norris you are mis guided i'm not as well equipped as lionel but it's not bad so i will pass on the small dition if thats ok? is there a record for the most in love person i'll be that
lionel your a man of the world and a very well endowed man at that, what do i have to do? i am going insane, my mission is bigger than your quest i mean you only got to find pasty folk, A Couple more vodkas and i could find em for you. Where as my mission i got to get her to go out with me, stop loving her previous bloke(did i mention she dying of a broken heart?) and then make her fall in love with me, so you see my problem, she says she is flattered but sees me just as a friend, what do you do? i'm not a bad lookin bloke see for yourself have put my pic on the BW comp blog, as a man of the world i'd welcome your advice, i hired a billboard today and have taken out two pages in her local paper adverts to say i want her do you think thats enough or should i go with the kidnapp plot?
Rick you got computer on yet mate? messenger not logged in yet? nip round chop Wills fingers off or at the least plug off his computer before he does somet stupid
Hi guys
Missed you all xx Was at chicago rock cafe in Windsor last night.
They were booing each other before i went on.
Its great to see things have calmed down since ive been away.
I love this guy and i hope to meet a few off you at my gigs
on a sad note i paid 2-65 for a pastie today that is scandlous! but i was hungry.
Hope your all well,
luv Meaty
Lionel how is the quest going thought you'd be back in bolton tonight, please don't encourage Will, he lost the plot big time(b****y women)Are you following Bobs tea towel route?
god meatloaf you must loaf pasty more than i love the girl of me dreams nice to have you back i'm wasted and only had lionel and his adventures to keep me going. i'll buy you a pastie when we meet. did your windsor gig go ok?
it went brill , we recorded it i will be posting mp3s up at the site soon
www.meatloaf.org plug plug
I think you should kidnap this girl, however if shes fat that would be difficult. FAT PEOPLE ARE HARD TO KIDNAP. thats why i mantain my weight at 20 stone, we are doing a gig in I raq for the troops, i aint taking any chances!! not get me in the back of a Datsun!
Hope she says yes !
sounds great will await your mp3s and the chorley gig, hopefully with the blonde if not me and me mates lookin forward to it
Ha Rick HAS JUST ARRIVED AT MY PLACE BEEN DRINKIN WITH HIM SINCE 4.30 HE COME ROUND TO CHOP PLUG OFF MY COMPUTER, SOMEONE TELL HIM I'M FINE
IS A DATSUN A COMMON VEHICLE FOR KIDNAPP? IF THE BILLBOARD AND ADS DON'T WORK AND I RESORT TO THE KIDNAPP PLOT DO YOU THINK IT WILL BE OK TO FEED HER ON PASTIES?
Ricks goin home now play on his own computer, shes not fat meatloaf she is a perfect size 8 and i'm totally smitten, lionel you okay mate not heard anything out of you for a while?
I've got money can you get me a krypton factor K?
NO paul and Will go to bed mate sober up you might not love her in the morning then we can all get some peace
HI EVERYBODY,
Still on my quest i am in Wooky hole caves in Somerset.I have found pictures on the wall of pasty men.I didnt come here to look for them,its just that i am dyslexic and i thought the W was an N. The caves go back millions of years and the pasty man is pictured chasing a T rex Riding a White swan, & trying to Get It On with a long legged blond from Bolton, with i love willie on her sabre tooth tiger T shirt.(I HOPE THIS MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER WILLIE).We now know where Marc Bolan got his inspiration from.I got got talking to a man from CARPET-RIGHT Who does tribute act to our Meatloaf,he sang ( MAT OUT OF HELL)and( 3 FOR 2 AINT BAD WITH 50% OFF) Anyway got to go PATSY KENSIT wants to see my tattoo.i think she has mistaken me for CAIN DANGLE.
LIONEL
PS GREAT WEBSITE MEATLOAF WHERE ARE YOU IN CHESTER TONIGHT.
Willie,is anybody on suicide watch with you.Would you like me to put a good word in for you with the long legged blonde.Something like,
LLANFAIRPWLLGWYNGYLLGOGERYCHWYRNDROBWLLLLANTYSILIOGOGOGOCH.Now thats a good word.
LIONEL
Rick i am following Bobs tea towel route,but i am stuggling to find Kilarney in somerset.
LIONEL
Morning lionel good to know you are okay we were a bit worried about you last night thought maybe the pasty tribe had captured you in the hope that you wouldn't reveal their whereabouts, i was about to organise a search party, but thats one less thing to do today. Don't think i need the suicide watch(just yet) but the putting the good word in would help, meatloaf has put a good idea on my blog, so am going with that and off to buy a tattoo this morning, for me bits after long ponderings have decided to copy yours obviously not all of it, (mines not as big as yours ) mine will just say i love bob willy, that should take her interest, as bob was the topic of conversation on that wonderful night i first set eyes on her. Good luck finding your way round the tea towel and be careful if you discover too much they might kidnapp you
Go for it lionel,
Have just seen will's photo, your blonde must be mad, i'll do suicide watch anytime(or just do you)
S**t don't encourage him, i'm losing the will to live Lionel Do you need any compny on your quest? I'll bring me own torch and supplies
Any volunteers to help with me draw on tattoo?
website is BRILLIANT MEATLOAF!
Cheers guys, Hi lionel, we are at Pennyfford social club, it is on Chester road pennyfford. Its nr Chester and wrexham if that makes any sense.
how is the wooing going will
not good mate, having difficulty fitting all the letters on
I'll help i can spell as well
Day5 or is it 6 cant remember.Bought some mushrooms of a guy at a BIG concert in somerset,he said they were magic and it was true,i kept dissapearing to the toilet.Anyway i decided to relax a bit at this concert.I paid £150.00 for a ticket to see all the big names.They were all tribute acts.
1- Cream- Three guys called SINGLE BAKER,DOUBLE BRUCE,AND WHIPPING CLAPTON.
2-NODDY HOLDER- A guy came on stage in a pixie suit and a hat with a bell on top pushing a yellow & red car.
3-THE WHO- Three farmers from devon-ROGER POULTRY,PETE SHEEPSEND,AND A GUY WITH HIS TROUSERS ROUND HIS LEGS CALLED PETE MOONING.
4-DAVE CLARK FIVE-CONSISTED OF 3 MEN & A LONG LEGGED PREGNANT WOMAN FROM BOLTON,with a t shirt borrowed from a mr heckerslike which said FREE WILLIE.
5-DEAN IS MEATLOAF-I thought great i can meet him at last unfortunatley,it was the dean of Shrewsbury Cathederal and he sang,ANGEL OUT OF HEAVEN.
6-BABY SHAMBLES- Consisted of a baby called Pete being pushed on stage by a Kate Moss lookalike,with a can of coke doing a line dance & throwing his toys out of his pram and been arrested.(Do you get that one willy)
7-BOY GEORGE-He came on and swept the stage.
I will tell you the rest later gotta go now, having the map of the world tattooed on my left testicle,plus all the words & lyrics of bobs cd.
LIONEL
P.S.SAW GEORGE MICHAEL AGAIN, DISCREETLY PUTTING HIS FINGER OVER THE LETTER L ON A CAN OF BULMERS CIDER.(DO YOU GET THAT ONE EVERYBODY)IF NOT SEND AN ADDRESSED ENVELOPE TO THE ASYLUM IN SOMERSET AND I WILL TRY TO EXPLAIN IT.
is it me or are we all mad on here !
love the bulmers joke lionel!
im in a right loving mood at the moment, lets all become hippies and have free love!
thats where you need to be going will, get this blonde bird and ask her if she wants to become a hippy!
wats all this about a krypton factor k!!
right im off, have a good weekend , will be back on Sunday.
Free love i'd pay her for it! Hope your weekend goes good
GREAT NEWS FOUND PASTY MAN HEAD.SENT IT TO MEATLOAFS GIG TONIGHT FOR ANALYSIS.IVE PUT IT IN A BROWN BAG FOR SECURITY.I AM HOPING MEATLOAF CAN GET IT TO ED FULLOFCRAP AT BOLTONS UNIVERSITY.
LIONEL
Lionel he will eat it, he loves pasties and he will just think someone has been kind enough to leave him one he paid £2.65 the other for one so a free one, he will think its christmas
Meatloaf don't eat the pasty head!!!!!
Lionel did you get photographic evidence of your find?
Meatloaf have you got a krypton factor K i can have? i got money
paul go play with your leggo
I left a note for him not to eat it ,it had written on it expiry date 3000 BC.I ALSO TOLD HIM IN THE LETTER TO BREAK A LEG.HE WONT DO THAT AS WELL WILL HE.
LIONEL
PS FOLLOWED A BIG BROWN MARK ON BOBS T TOWEL,ENDED UP IN STAINES
FOLLOW ON FROM GIG ATTENDED TODAY
8-DESMOND DECCKER- COMPRISED OF MAN & WIFE DUO HE WALKED ON STAGE AND HEAD BUTTED HER.
9- THE MONKEES- COMPRISED OF A LONG HAIRED LANKY FELLA FROM BOLTON WITH 4 MONKEES CLAPPING CYMYBOLS SINGING HEY MACARAYA.
10-PETER KAY- TURNED OUT TO BE A REP FROM KAYS CATALOGUE ON HIS MUM WANTS A CARAVAN TOUR WITH SPECIAL GUEST PATRICK McSCRUMPY.
LIONEL
No he won't do that (he will do anything for love, but he won't do that)
WAS NUMBER 9 THE GUY WITH THE MONKEES BOB?
Yes he was doing a tribute to himself.Wasnt as good as the real thing though.Have you seen the tribute bands i listed earlier.The long legged blonde loves you.
LIONEL
sounds like it was a fun gig lionel, and you managed all that, pasty kensit and finding pasty head, your amazing, and with your special friend down there you've got it all
RICK,no i havent got it all, my wife is sat at home waiting for my CDs.Lots of other packages have arrived in brown paper but not Bobs.I think its time to go home my quest is nearing its end and i am tired,so is pasty kensit.
LIONEL
Lionel do you know something i don't? the long leggy blonde is certainly not in love with me, please don't say things like that or you'll have Will gunning for me, actually the lady in question is in love with someone else(i know who) but that's another story, let us know when you are arriving home we will send a welcome party with a photographer, and reporter to capture your story
I had an orgasm this morning.my wife rang to tell me my CDs had arrived in a brown paper package.I said to Pasty theyve come.She said have you got 2 tattos.Anyway thanks Bob.I agree the welsh should stop singing and get more coal up.Anyway gotta go now Pasty kensit has to do a scene with susan george at the dentists.
LIONEL
bloomin heck lionel you jammy swine pasty kensit and susan george how do you do it?(well apart from the size of your tools) i don't usually fancy the older woman but could make an exception in susans case,(don't tell the wife i said that)
Talking of wives does your's not mind you seeing to all these other women?
Dear Julie youre Rick fancies Susan George.
Hymer
Hymer gonna smack you in the mouth I know where you live! Julie i only have eyes for you
Lionel come talk to me mate there is a grass on line, best beware he don't tell your wife as well.
Dear Rick you and whose army.Any way i will tell my dad and he is bogger than youre dad. NA NA NA NA NA
Hymer
Sorry Bigger,than youre dad.
think you'll find my dad's bigger than your dad, SO THERE!
NOW, NOW, boys no fighting in the playground, and hymer don't be such a snitch.
Dear miss lucy wont do it again please dont give me the cane.I will be good honestley.
Hymer
ps- Actually the thought of having the cane of a long legged blonde teacher,doesnt sound bad.Will has been a right bastard and i am sure he wants the cane of you.
My army bigger than your's but just not today as Will is in scotland and not sure any of the other lads wives will let em play on a saturday,(yes julie love just coming) right i got to go to sainsburys,
Hymer Will only has eyes for one woman, but if you fancy a smack i'll nip round
Yeah lucy you go cane him calling my mate Will a B*****d like that, right sainsburys here i come see you later
Lionel you anything to report or are you still entangled with susan and pasty?
can i help to cane anyone i'm really good!
I'm sure hymer will be pleased to see you
Hi Rick i am on my way home,ive just called into a service station nr.Birmingham for a wee.I was stood there reading when who should come at the side of me Elton John,another guy without a surname.He was looking at my tattoo and asked who Bob Williamson was i said read on pal.Is he that famous said Elton.I said have you not heard his famous
songs like NORMA JEAN SHUFFLEBOTTOM, CLOCKADIAL ROCK IN CHINESE. SATURDAY NIGHTS ALRIGHT FOR LOVE PEACE & HARMONY. DONT GO BREAKING MY WINDOWS. AND NOT FORGETTING COCKET MAN.I said the man is a genius and a leg end in is own tea time.Wow said elton i must invite him to one of my garden partys. Nice meeting you Lionel he said and he shook my tattoo & left. Gotta go now CHERS doing a gig at nec Birmingham and has asked me to call in and show her my tattoo, her friend Claudia Scheafer has told her about it.
Tarra for now
LIONEL
well you sound like you gonna have a good evening lionel, i'm in babysitting, the wife is out with the girlies tonight, maybe i should invite tanya hyde or lucy lastic round, to entertain me then while you are busy or i'll be talkin to me self, enjoy CHER! perhaps you could ask her if she will do her duet with meat loaf in chorley?
Dearest Robert i met a guy with a big tattoo today and he told me all about you.I have crossed David & Victoria off my list.The invites for 2 fetch Lionel along.Theres something i like about him. Could you fetch some Hollands Meat Pies for the buffet.
ELT ONJOHN
lionel i'd take the wife to this do if you value your life, well if she is anything like mine anyway
Didn't mean that Julie love in case hymer thinking of snitching
Hi Rick you say youre wifes out can i come round and show you my BAZOOKAS & TANK TOP.
CORPRAL PUNISHMENT
You can come round to my place, do you look anything like Will?
Yeah why not i'vr just ordered pizza
Shona, lionel(if you get back tonight)you are welcome as well, Oh paul mate you as well if you on line, and anyone else thats passing, but you'll have to be quiet the kids are asleep, and before anyone else asks (none of us looks like Will)Talkin of which couple of these names your type of humour you back mate? Can't speak for what lionel looks like but with what he's got don't suppose it matters what the rest of the package looks like.
My wife says looks dont matter so i suppose she must fancy you & will.Pauls in luck she says brains dont matter either.
sethee later
p.s. Chers just fallen of my laptop
Has anybody got any drugs, Cher keeps saying Extasy Extasy Extasy.
LIONEL
Well if you gonna insult us lionel we can't all be stud muffins like you, i'll bid thee goodneet on behalf of Will Paul and me self
I WASNT INSULTING YOU, I WAS TALKING ABOUT RICK ASTLEY,WILL YOUNG AND PAUL SIMON. SORRY IF YOU
THOUGHT OTHERWISE.
LIONEL
PS-WHATS A STUD MUFFIN DO WARBURTONS MAKE THEM.
i'll sell you some drugs
A stud muffin is what the wife calls me, what's the wife call you? is she not going short what with all this time away, and all the other women, don't she get jealous?
oh please dont tell her about the other women,she doesnt know.If she found out she would cut my tattoo off & sell it to Sall Monellas Dellicatessen. What you have to remember is, i am doing what this site is all about & promoting Bob Williamson.Every woman who sees my tattoo says, i love your Bob Wlliamson.I have to go now.I have to go now my wife Tracy Roxanne Ash is waiting for me but please dont tell her about the women.I get enough T.R.ASH letters through the post.
SITHEE LATER
LIONEL
P.S.Where is Meatloaf.Cher sends her love.Has he still got the pasty man head or has he eaten it.There is a rumour going round that Ozzy Osbourne bit the head off a pasty man on stage.
Lionel: have you listened to Bob's CD? What's your favourite track? Well done for bringing the conversation back round to Bob. I've ben telling people to read Bob's blog but when they do, they say there was nothing about Bob in the comments! Did you know that Sam Allerdyce and Stuart Pearce are big fans ?
I'm not surprised there is a Dutch tribute act to Bob, he is very popular over there because they think HOLLAND'S MEAT PIES was written about their country.
Lionel left you a reply on my blog don't want to steer the conversation away from Bob, if that's whats wanted, but thought this particular blog was about pasty men, We are all Bobs fans but are we just to log on here and praise him? How about hearing from the man himself? One last thing sorry not about Bob, Hope the gig went ok Meaty!
Don't worry lionel nobody will tell your wife, if she puts a stop to your adventures how will we learn about the pasty folk?
Have any expditions been sent to Scotland? There were probably pastymen fighting at Bannockburn but I didn't see any in the film Braveheart. Pastymen V Haggisfolk would be a good film
BIG PROBLEMS HELP.
Retuned home,my wife greeted me with open arms,at least i think they were,anyway they had five digits each side,with a corn plaster on one.I removed my straight jacket & she told me we have had a burglary.I SAID WHATS BEEN STOLEN. She said 4 stategically placed mirror tiles, 12 cameras & 22 dvd recorders and my rabbit.I said not flossie. She said no the one i got from ann summers.
LIONEL
P.S. GET BACK TOO YOU LATER WITH REST OF STORY.THERE IS A POLICEMAN AT THE DOOR WITH A LARGE TRUNCHEON.
Willie,i cant carry on my search for the pasty man until meatloaf confirms its genuine.I am hoping its not a tribte pasty that somebody left under PASTY KENSITS bed to throw me off track.
LIONEL
Does anybody else think the pasty head looks like former Home secretary: Charles Clarke?
Is this the home for the bewildered?
Lionel i can replace your stolen items i have a vast range of dvds etc, why does your wife need a ann summers rabbit when shes got you?
Nipping in from cutting the grass,We are burning it before the police arrive again.They have asked me why i had 22 dvd recorders,i told them i watched a lot of tv programmes and my wife is an info maniac. He laughed i said my wifes not a liar.The policeman said no,she his just a bad speller.Tell you more later got to carry on cutting grass.
Dear conner fused, yes it is, have you been sectioned as well.
LIONEL
PS DID YOU GET LOST OR SOMETHING
Lionel read Wills day in Scotland it may help your quest,
Does anyone have tyrones address the local paper in scotland would like to do a story?
what do you think lionel are you brave enough to accompany on my next visit?, the locals were really freaked by the news of the discovery in tyrones garden
LEFT A MESSAGE ON YOUR SITE WILL.
I AM REALLY WORRIED ABOUT MEATLOAF.
I HAVE HEARD NOTHING FROM HIM AND AN UNDERCOVER AGENT IS SNIFFING AROUND, TRYING TO DESTROY THE EVIDENCE.I WILL HAVE TO PUT AN ADVERT IN THE MISSING PASTYS SECTION IN THE EVENING NEWS.
Gotta go more grass to burn
LIONEL
Save us some for lily she could be a mine of information, and she is orginally from bolton her family shipped her off to the scottish home of the bewildered to keep her quiet, meaty will be fine he is probably entertaining a groupie somewhere
URGENT WARNING !!!!!!!!!!1
MY FELLOW FRIENDS AND PASTY TRIBE SEARCHERS PLEASE LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY
THE PASTIE TRIBE ARE WATCHING THIS BLOG! HOW DO I KNOW ? I WAS PERFORMING AT PENNYFFORD RBL ON FRIDAY,. WHEN WE ARRIVED THE CONCERT SEC INFORMS ME THERES A PARCEL FOR ME, I OPENED IT UP AND FUCK ME OUT JUMPS A PASTI MAN!! AND IT WENT FOR ME, IT HAD A HUGE GRIN ON ITS FACE AND IT WAS SHOUTING , OK FAT BOY YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE IT!!
MY WIFE AND I WERE TERRIFIED, THEY ARE TRACKING OUR MOVEMENTS, THEY ARE SENDING THEMSELVES THROUGH THE POST THIS IS VERY SCARY!!
IT WAS ATTACKING ME BUT MY WIFE HIT IT WITH A MIC STAND, IT THEN WENT FOR HER!! THE ONLY WAY ICOULD STOP IT WAS TO EAT IT!!! ALTHOUGH THIS WAS A LAST RESORT I HAVE TO SAY IT WAS DELICIOUS PLEASE BE CAREFUL.
THANKS GUYS I PISSED MYSELF LAUGHING WHEN I OPENED IT UP , TTHAT WAS REALLY FUNNY!! AND YES I DID EAT IT
WAS IT A GREGGS PASTY LIONEL
Nice to you are are okay meatloaf lionel was very worried about you, hope your gig went okay, i say it's a good thing you ate the pasty, i think they are watching us all and after my trip to scotland i think we should all be on our guard!!!!!
Welcome back we are all in danger
HONESTLY GUYS, I AM SHITTING MYSELF! I AM FRIGHTENED TO OPEN ANYTHING!! IT JUST WENT FOR ME, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU THAT WHEN I WAS EATING IT THE PASTY STARTED SHOUTING HILARY!!!! IT WAS CALLING FOR HILARY! I THINK HILARY IS PRODUCING THESE MONSTER PASTYS, A BIT LIKE FRANKENSTEIN,MADE UP OUT OF DIFFERENT DEAD PASTIES THEN BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE
I THINK WE NEED TO GO UNDER COVER AND PAY HILARY A VISIT AT GREENHALGHS IN BOLTON. THERE MUST BE SOME KIND OF PRODUCTION PLANT THERE.
WE NEED TO STOP THEM BEFORE THEY TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!
urgent message!!!
DO NOT ON ANY ACCOUNT EAT A PASTY MAN!! AS YOU ALL KNOW I DID EAT ONE ON FRIDAY , HOWEVER I HAVE JUST EMPTIED MY BOWELS AND PEBBLEDASHED THE TOILET WITH PASTY MEN!! THEY MULTIPLY INSIDE YOU!!! IT LOOKED LIKE THE SCENE FROM ALIEN , WHEN IT RIPPED THROUGH HIS CHEST , EXCEPT THESE BASTARDS FLEW OUT ME ARSE!
LAST SEEN HEADING FROM CHORLEY TO BOLTON SHOUTING HILARY !!!!!!!!!!!
I AM ON MY WAY.
SICK ORNEYWEAVER
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